Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
