I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
