Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
