Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
