i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did i walk over a car last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
