I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
time to smoke my breakfast
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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