he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
