Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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