Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
