alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
