They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
