This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
