So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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