Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
