he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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