yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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