even my farts smell like vagina
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
