my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
