my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
