next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
