I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
