We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
