It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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