i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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