you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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