somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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