It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
