East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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