hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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