I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
