someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
