I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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