ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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