I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
