Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you inspire me to be a worse person
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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