I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
