all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
