I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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