people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
