im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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