I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
