i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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