he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
