in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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