I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
