Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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