YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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