I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
