How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's never too late to be topless.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sext me about skeletons
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
