I have demons in me.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
only if we run a train.
done.
Sober January is a disaster.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
