i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
