You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
