This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
